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Justin Long, whom we haven’t covered since he used to date Drew Barrymore, has a podcast with his brother, Christian. As someone with a podcast that I methodically edit down to the most interesting parts, it pained me to see the hour and 43 minute runtime of the latest episode with Kristen Bell! I know this is how podcasts are now, but I don’t understand how people have time for that. Do they only listen to part of them? Do they use them to kill time during interminable commutes or at work? I listened to the part where Kristen talked about this horrible screaming fight she had with her husband, Dax Shepard. I’ve seen stories about it so I wanted to hear it to see if I could get a different angle or more information.

Kristen and Dax have been open about the fact that they’re in therapy and that they fought a lot at the beginning of their relationship. It sounds like a lot of work, but like they’re on the other side of it. It’s not something I would want to go through, but it works for them I guess. Here’s what she said and these quotes start at about 22 minutes into the podcast. The fight part is at 26:30. I fast forwarded through a lot of it, but in the beginning she said that showing the sloth video on Ellen was Dax’s idea and that he often helps her with the anecdotes she tells on talk shows. That makes so much sense.

How they work out conflicts
We have thick skin towards each other. The best piece of advice I can give to anyone is make a pact that you’re on the same team and act like it. That means when he says something to me that I think is brutal or rude I don’t jump down his throat. I take a minute to think ‘yeah, he’s on my team, let me think how I can process it.’ Intention is really important. We can say candid things to each other and we don’t get ants in our pants about it.

Justin says he finds their couple displays annoying
Yeah, it is. Early on we’re like ‘we’re not going to talk about our relationship.’ There was a time 10 years ago when the paparazzi was swelling and it was getting scary for the people being sought after. There’s something to be said to controlling what you can when things feel out of control. Something happened with Dax and I early on where we decided if we were going to talk about it, let’s make sure we show the good the bad and the ugly and how we handle it. Let’s not make it saccharine. We talk about the fact that we do fight, we do go to therapy, we dislike each other a lot sometimes.

Justin asks ‘do you ever sit with that too long, that not liking each other? I would imagine that dissipates at a certain point’
No [it doesn’t dissipate]. In fact, we had this pretty incredible fight recently. Incredible. Top of the lungs screaming. It was about things around the house that I felt I needed help with. I left at 10 am I wasn’t going to be back until 2:30. I left a note ‘would you mind taking the two towels in the dryer and folding them’ and one other thing. That’s ten minutes of work.

I left this note and I came home on Sunday. Monday night we’re laying in bed and he turns over and goes ‘when you leave me notes I feel really controlled’ and he launched into how he felt about it. I said to myself ‘don’t react.’

I said ‘Ok, I hear you, it won’t happen again. If I need something done around the house what is a way that I could do it that you’d be ok with hearing. What’s a better way?’

Then we both blacked out and got into a fight. I don’t remember exactly what transpired was a lot of volume, a lot of harsh words being thrown around and it was an angry fight about how nobody does anything for anybody else. I grabbed my pillow and I sleep in the front room and I’m crying. We don’t talk for three days [about anything other than our kids].

[From Life is Short with Justin Long podcast]

After that Kristen talked about an issue so many of us can relate to, and which Busy Philipps has discussed, division of labor and how hard it is to keep a household running with your partner. Kristen wanted Dax to notice when things needed to be done, but he wasn’t able to do that and he obviously didn’t want to take her suggestions either. As for their huge fight, on day three after it Kristen took their girls to a dog cafe where they have rescue dogs available for adoption. Kristen brought home a senior dog named Frank and that’s how she made up with Dax. She did check with him first as he’s allergic to dogs. She said they never talked about the fight but that “every single thing that I have needed done or thought ‘I need help with this’ he’s been ahead of” since.

I checked Kristen’s Instagram to see when she adopted Frank. She has various dogs in her photos and it’s unclear what they’re all named or which are hers, but she posted last June about a dog named Frank that needed a home. This fight probably happened last summer. I’ve never gone three days without talking to my now-ex husband but we couldn’t constructively discuss our problems either. It seems like that’s all Dax and Kristen talk about, but a lot of people hide their relationship issues from their social group while Kristen and Dax have made a cottage industry out of discussing them.

Update: Michael K at Dlisted found Frank! He was adopted in September, 2019. Not that long ago.

Aw this isn’t Frank but look how cute Triscuit is: