Hulk Hogan was viciously “attacked” while in Australia today. I use the quotation marks because it was the fakest attack ever, though a lot of the press is buying it. I’m not, because I’m a jaded, cold-hearted bitch. And because it was cheesy and obvious and involved some really bad acting. I think Hulk’s blood might have been real, although there was a bit too much of it.

Anyhoo, Hulk was in Australia to promote his wrestling tour, “Hulkamania: Let The Battle Begin.” Conveniently, while promoting wrestling, Hulk was attacked! What are the odds? By his rival, Ric Flair! And it followed some “your wife is so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory”-type barbs. The next thing we know, Hulk is getting slapped upside the head. Now admittedly (thankfully), I’ve never been slapped. But I’m under the impression that it doesn’t normally result in blood, and when it does, it’s not this much. But here you go, judge for yourself.

Hulk Hogan sported a crimson mask of blood as he was escorted by pal Brian Knobs after being attacked by his wrestling rival, “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair, during a news conference in Sydney, Australia on Wednesday.

The event was to promote his upcoming wrestling tour, Hulkamania: Let The Battle Begin. The hysteria erupted as the pair of wrestling legends traded barbs at the pulpit to hype the upcoming shows. When Hogan turned his head way from Flair — who is aptly nicknamed “The dirtiest player in the game” — Flair laid a cheap shot in on the 56-year-old reality TV star, before getting in a few jabs once the Hulkster was down.

Hogan will have a chance of revenge when he dusts off his yellow and red wrestling gear for the tour, which begins Nov. 24 in Melbourne. Other notable wrestlers scheduled for action on the tour are Diamond Dallas Page, and some of the Hulkster’s Hogan Knows Best cronies Brutus Beefcake and The Nasty Boys as well as Rikishi, Umaga and Val Venis.

Flair, 60, is wrestling for the first time since losing a much ballyhooed “retirement” match for WWE in March 2008, which drew more than 74,000 fans to Florida’s Citrus Bowl. We don’t think WWE owner Vince McMahon can be too thrilled about Flair’s swift — and lucrative — return to action.

[From Radar]

How fortunately timed. When you watch the video, you can hear someone’s voice – it’s hard to tell whose, but I think it’s Hulk’s – yelling over and over again, “What are you doing Rick?” In the worst over-acting, akin to a middle school drama club. The reporter in the clip below clearly felt badly, admitting he thought it was staged and was laughing. Until – of course – Rick Flair starts screaming at him. But remember, this is all real! Be scared! Boo!

Luckily, the auspicious Chicago Sun-Times agrees with me. Even though TMZ thinks is buying it.

Hulk Hogan may be 56-years-old but he’s still making the rounds in the wrestling world. The aging star was involved in what was clearly a staged attack during a media event in Australia this week. Some of the assembled news media, there to cover a promotion for Hulk Hogan’s next event, seemed to be fooled by the skit. The video below shows the encounter and the bloody aftermath.

[From the Chicago Sun-Times]

All I can say is I wish it were real. It’d be the highlight of my week if someone really “attacked” (slapped) Hulk Hogan. Or any Hogan, really. Well, any famous Hogan. Please don’t go out and just smack a person who unfortunately bears the Hogan surname to make me happy. Please at least find a bleached blonde one with a douchy grin and an undeserved sense of entitlement. Then slap away.