Ha, I got some requests for MOAR Benedict Cumberbatch coverage! I love it when that happens. As we’ve been discussing all week, Benedict covers the special edition of ELLE UK and they’ve released the “full article” online – go here to read. It’s charming and liquor-soaked and Bendy seems like a good time, if your definition of a “good time” is being told off by a posh Englishman. During one of Benedict’s amazing rants/posh tell-offs, he goes off about Sherlock’s sexuality and how Sherlock would be amazing in bed if he actually prioritized sex. Here’s the basic gist, with some minor edits:

ELLE UK: A lot of women fancy Sherlock.

BC: Their problem, not mine.

ELLE UK: I do get it, he’s incredibly endearing, but…

BC: Will this tell me more about you than the answer will tell you about me?

ELLE UK: …I actually think he would be a terrible shag…I think he would be proficient, of course, but he would lack enthusiasm and he would find it distasteful.

BC: Ah, these are terrible stereotypes. And come on, he seduced Janine.

ELLE UK: But they didn’t have sex?

BC: Oh you’re right, very good, you spotted that.

ELLE UK: What do you think Sherlock would be like in bed? How would you play a love scene as Sherlock?

BC: Oooh… You know I’d get the, I’d probably test the latex, if it involved prophylactics, beforehand. I’d do a little experiment to do with durability, length, girth, and um, strength. And um, I would probably take a lot of vitamin supplements to make sure that I could perform, and had had my sleep, and probably not had many cigarettes. Or drink, for that matter. Not that he does drink.

ELLE UK: You see. Proficient, but lacking enthusiasm.

BC: Yeah, no wait for it. I would probably watch a lot of p0rn…I might have to shave, um, areas to fit in with a modern idea of bodily hair. And then I would be devastating. I’d know exactly how to please a woman, I’d know exactly where to put my fingers, where to put my tongue, where to put my – his I should say – his fingers, his tongue. Think about violinists, think about what they can do with their fingers. And I’d know exactly how to get that person into it, and get pleasure out of making that person feel pleasure to the point that I probably wouldn’t even have to enter…But when I did it would be explosive.

ELLE UK: But does he ever lose control?

BC: So in sex, would he lose control? I think to have really good sex he would probably have to.

ELLE UK: So he’d decide to lose control. He’d make a controlled decision?

BC: This is a very dark alley we’re going down. No pun intended. Um, Yeah. Yeah. If it was necessary yes, yes. Very much so.

ELLE UK: I’d quite like to watch that love scene now.

BC: You never will. It’s not that kind of a programme, is it?

[From Elle UK]

Oh my God. Just… OMG. This is right up there with Michael Fassbender taking about his inner sexual beast and destroying the sweetshop. Benedict talking about violin fingers and losing control and “dark alleys” and his tongue. The only thing that would take this next-level is if he mentioned his auburn dong muff again.

Photos courtesy of Elle UK.